April 19, 2015

madness elitere

For some reason, I miss and crave you as I haven’t done in so long.
It’s like a thirst I’ve always felt,
But now of my throat it got ahold.
And I’m seeking for the water to quench it–
Free my spirit from this longing.

Yet, even as I write these verses from thin air,
All that my mind conveys is a romantic despair
For that whom to me does not belong.
Someone that to my dismay I must part ways with;
A thought that brings to my chest a pain that sinks deep its teeth.

I had no idea I possessed this sensation until these recent days.
Or, to be more specific, until jealousy threw some rays in my face.
For it is vastly painful the notion of losing someone so dearly…
A notion I must impose to maintain my sanity, clearly.

A sanity that up to this date I still label as nonexistent.
Situations like these prove that theory to be ironically coherent.
Because even if my choices are for a greater good, a bigger reward,
How am I supposed to weight this pain, drag it in my ever broken heart?

This pain is yours and mine and ours.
Probably one of the deepest things we will share after the following hours.
Yet, a sensation of eternal bonding prevails
Even under this sensation that proves my strength to be frail.

I once questioned if this that we had was love.
I had a doubt if what I felt was infatuation, if I was just “in love”…
Yet, the whirlpool that engages my mouth in a stupor of silence screams me the answer,
The implosion collapsing my hollow thorax makes me falter.
My mind screeches and buffers, praying to find whatever matters,
But she doesn’t pays attention to the tumult surrounding her.

With hammers of iron I am being pummeled,
My central station howls with a pain that she thought was former.
A battle in me has ensued regarding my biggest question.
A question that brings the memory of a past, a longing for knowledge.
It is a hunt I have taken in the depths of my forest,
Where my demons hide, a place that I enter with great protest.

It is where I choose to hide the truths–
That which brings me fear under the light of the moon.
Here I take this battle, here I seek for that which haunts me–
Which paradoxically will not free me from the agony that seeps through every crack.

I only seek for my demon to convey, if possible, the depth of this phenomenon
The darkness and hollow that approaches to me ever faster

… I only make a hunt for something, that deep down I feel its answer.

By Noexis Llanos

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